Relationship Problems And Their Solutions

It's a rare couple that doesn't run into a few bumps in the road. Bumps are the companion of a sweet bond. So, don't be upset, when you see something ominous in your relationship, because those troubles can easily be solved with a little care and attention.

Problem: Communication

All relationship problems stem from poor communication skills, according to Elaine Fantle Shimberg, author of Blending Families."You can't communicate while you're checking your BlackBerry, watching TV, or flipping through the sports section," she says.

Solving strategies:

·         Make an actual appointment with each other, Shimberg says. If you live together, put the cell phones on vibrate, put the kids to bed, and let voicemail pick up your calls.

·         If you can't "communicate" without raising your voices, go to a public spot like the library, park, or restaurant where you'd be embarrassed if anyone saw you screaming.

·         Set up some rules -- like not interrupting until the other is through or banning phrases such as "You always ..." or "You never ...."

·         Use body language to show you are listening. Don’t doodle, look at your watch, or pick at your nails. Nod so the other person knows you're getting the message, and rephrase if you need to. For instance, say, "What I hear you saying is that you feel as though you have more chores at home, even though we're both working." If you're right, the other can confirm. If what the other person really meant was, hey, you're a slob and you create more work for me by having to pick up after you, he or she can say so, but in a nicer way.

Problem: Trust

Trust is the most essential part of a relationship. Are there certain behaviors that are causing you not to trust your partner, or do you have unresolved issues that are hindering you from trusting others?

Solving strategies:

You and your partner can develop trust in each other by few regular things,

·         Be consistent.

·         Be on time.

·         Do what you say you will do.

·         Don't lie -- not even little white lies to your partner or to others.

·         Be fair, even in an argument.

·         Be sensitive to the other's feelings. You can still disagree, but don't discount how your partner is feeling.

·         Call when you say you will.

·         Call to say you'll be home late.

·         Carry your fair share of the workload.

·         Don't overreact when things go wrong.

·         Never say things you can't take back.

·         Don't dig up old wounds.

·         Respect your partner's boundaries.

·         Don’t be jealous.

·         And last but not the least, be a good listener.

Problem: Sex

Even partners who love each other can be incompatible sexually. Mary Jo Fay, author of Please Dear, Not Tonight, says a lack of sexual self-awareness and education compounds these problems. Yet, having sex is one of the last things you should be giving up. "Sex," brings us closer together, releases hormones that help our bodies both physically and mentally, and keeps the chemistry of a healthy couple healthy."

Solving strategies:

·         Plan, plan, plan. Fay suggests making an appointment,  but not necessarily at night when everyone is tired. Maybe during the baby's Saturday afternoon nap or a "before-work quickie." Ask friends or family to take the kids every other Friday night for a sleepover. "When sex is on the calendar, it increases your anticipation," Fay says, adding that mixing things up a bit can increase your sexual enjoyment as well. Why not have sex in the kitchen? Sex by the fire? Sex standing up in the hallway?

·         California psychotherapist Allison Cohen suggests learning what truly turns you and your partner on by each of you coming up with a personal "Sexy List." Swap the lists and use them to create more scenarios that turn you both on.

Problem: Not Making Your Relationship a Priority

If you want to keep your love life going, making your relationship a focal point should not end when you say "I do." Karen Sherman, author of Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, and Make It Last says, "Relationships lose their luster. So make yours a priority."

Solving strategies:

·         Do the things you used to do when you were first dating: Make gestures of appreciation, compliment each other, contact each other through the day, and show interest in each other.

·         Plan date nights. Schedule time together on the calendar just as you would any other important event in your life.

·         Respect one another. Say "thank you," and "I appreciate ...." It lets your partner know that he or she matters.

Problem: Conflict Of Thoughts

Occasional conflict is an inevitable part of life, according to New York-based psychologist Susan Silverman.  But if you and your partner feel like you are starring in your own nightmare version of the movie Groundhog Day, it's time to break free of this toxic routine. When you make the effort, you can reduce the anger and take a calm look at underlying issues.

Solving strategies:

Conflict resolution skills can help you and your partner learn to argue in a more constructive manner, says Silverman. Make these strategies part of who you are in this relationship.

·         Realize you are not a victim. It is your choice whether you react and how you react.

·         Be honest with yourself. When you're in the midst of an argument, are your comments directed toward resolution, or are you looking for payback? If your comments are blaming and hurtful, it's best to take a deep breath and change your strategy.

·         Change it up. If you continue to respond in the same way that has brought you pain and unhappiness in the past, you can't expect a different result this time. Just one little shift can make a big difference. If you usually jump right in to defend yourself before your partner is finished speaking, hold off for a few moments. You'll be surprised at how such a small shift in tempo can change the whole tone of an argument.

·         Give a little; get a lot. Apologize when you're wrong. Sure it's tough, but just try it and watch something wonderful happen.

"You can't control anyone else's behaviour, the only one in your charge is you."

Despite the fact there are always going to be problems in a relationship, there are things you can both do to minimize those problems if not avoid them altogether. 

First, be realistic. Thinking your mate will meet all your needs -- and will be able to figure them out without your asking -- is a Hollywood fantasy. "Ask for what you need directly,".

Next, use humor -- learn to let things go and enjoy one another more.

Finally, be willing to work on your relationship and to truly look at what needs to be done. Don't think that things would be better with someone else. Unless you address them, the same lack of skills that get in the way now will still be there and still cause problems no matter what relationship you're in.

So, feel free and be brave to face those troubles together. Because those few little bumps actually come in the path of your sweet and lovely relationship to make it even sweeter and stronger than ever. Thus the majestic bond between two persons becomes invincible and radiant. The glow of which makes the sun shine brighter and nature look even more beautiful and green.

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courtesy webmd