All women experience some or what self-doubt. Despite appearing
to have the perfect job and perfect lifestyle. . even she looks in the mirror
and fixates on some body part she wishes were larger, smaller, tighter,
smoother, or just plain different.
It’s a strange quirk of the female psyche, this tendency to put themselves down — fat girls even more so. Feeling insecure about your weight can hold you back from applying for a job you really want, pursuing a meaningful relationship, or trying a new activity or hobby you’ve been curious about. Negative feelings about your bodies can also affect your experiences with sex and intimacy, causing you to prefer “lights off, shirt on” sex or not allowing us to fully enjoy or respond to a partner’s affection.
If you can give yourselves one
or two real-world challenges — or even some food for thought — that helps facilitate
a positive change in your self-perception, then you’d look majestically
vivacious.
Stop deferring compliments
Imagine you’re filling your
water bottle in the office kitchen on Friday morning when a co-worker exclaims,
“Your hair looks amazing today!” Or one of the other moms at the playground
tells you how much she loves your shoes, or that your new shirt is fabulous.
What about when your husband or date tells you that you’re sexy? What goes through
your mind in those moments, and how do you respond?
Too many times, you brush off
compliments because they make you feel awkward or unworthy. Or, worse still,
you respond by putting yourselves down: “Oh, no! My hair is a disaster today
with this humidity!” “Really? I think this shirt makes my arms look huge. But your shirt
is adorable.” “Whatever. I’m sooty and gross from carrying the groceries
inside; there’s no way that’s sexy.”
Why can’t you stop pushing back
and simply allow yourselves be appreciated? Hearing something positive about yourselves
— especially about your appearance — doesn’t have to be transactional. You
don’t have to automatically counter with something you don’t like,
or to look for a way to even the playing field by complimenting the other
person.
The next time someone praises your
appearance, your body, your sense of humor, or any of your unique characteristics,
there are three really simple things you need to do: Smile genuinely, say
“thank you,” and believe the person who said it.
That’s it. The more accustomed
you are to accepting compliments graciously, the better your chances for a developed
self esteem. You might even try writing down these positive observations about yourself,
or repeating them back to yourself in the mirror or during moments of self
doubt. Telling yourself “you’re attractive and desirable” might feel awkward at
first — you might even laugh. But it’s been shown that self-talk is a powerful brain-changer,
and you start to believe it.
Always play up your strengths
With your ears and mind open to
receiving positive feedback, it should be just a short hop to identifying your
strongest attributes — physical or otherwise. Even if it’s hard for you to express
or show outwardly, each of you can identify something about yourselves that you
like when you look in the mirror. Perhaps you have gorgeous eyes, or
ultra-thick, shiny hair. Or maybe it’s your killer legs or a smile that lights up your whole face.
Whatever your favorite parts,
help them look their best with the right care and grooming, or the accessories to make them stand out. Give your pretty feet
some pampering and a colorful summer pedicure. Take care of your beautiful teeth
with good oral hygiene and regular visits to the dentist. Or experiment with
different makeup techniques that make your green eyes sparkle or your brown
eyes smolder.
Although neither confidence nor
a person’s worth can be measured in body parts or physical traits, there’s
something to be said for starting small and building up from there. Stepping
out into the world feeling positive about even a few things about your
appearance can be a seed for change in other parts of your life, too. In the
same way crossing a couple of easy items off a to-do list can build momentum, knowing
that you have a knock-em-dead [insert your favorite trait here] can help make
it easier to feel love — or even just acceptance — for the areas of your body
that don’t make you as happy.
More than the sum of your parts
Beyond the bounce of a great
hairstyle or the allure of impressive cleavage, there’s a whole body waiting to
be understood and appreciated. Despite — or perhaps because of — the
familiarity that comes with living in your own skin every day, many of you
don’t often consider all the positive things your bodies do on a daily basis.
What’s worse, you often try to hide, cover or ignore whole areas of your bodies
because of the extra weight you carry.
But think about it: Extra weight
or not, your body is both an amazing machine and a refuge. The same legs that
feel “too big” manage to carry you through every day, up the stairs and down
the street — even through exotic places and new experiences. For the moms out
there, the stretch marks that become all you can see when you view your tummy
are the evidence of loved and cherished children your beautiful body carried, nourished
and brought new life to this world. And the arms you might feel ashamed to bare
because of the way they flap or roll are the same arms your friends or family
run to when they’re hurting, or scared, or need to be reassured. Your waist
size 26 or 46 is irrelevant in these situations, so why should size be so
prevalent in how much you appreciate your bodies?
Tune in to your body
Of course, body confidence isn’t
as simple as flipping a switch or you’d have done it already. For some of you
the process takes your whole lives and involves professional reinforcement. But
activities that connect you to your body can also help foster the process.
You’ve talked about how everything from stretching to yoga to the great orgasms can enhance the mind/body
relationship while also improving health and energy. Some women also find
confidence through specific activities in which they feel they excel — or
through which they just feel a comforting “I’m just like everyone else here”
normalcy.
If you’re still searching for your
physical happy place, try another favorite activity to help access your body’s
more subtle graces: The self-portrait project. Focusing regularly on locating
new body angles to photograph can be a powerful tool in making peace with (and
finding love for) your body. Seeing yourself from new perspectives may even help you begin to see what
someone might mean when she says “You’re so pretty,” or even “You’re so sexy.”
Listen to your friends and
family
This is possibly the strongest
argument of all for self worth, and yet one that is grossly underestimated or
ignored. No matter what your age or current position in life — married, dating,
single, parenting or not, on top of the world or in a state of reinvention —
each of you has some type of support network. Sometimes it’s a nuclear family;
other times it’s an assortment of friends who fill the same role. The point is,
you have people around you who see you for who you are and who love you.
The notion that your plus-size
friends or family members are awesome, beautiful, diverse, lovable people who
enrich your lives — without stopping for a moment to consider that they likely
feel the very same way about you. How is it possible to be so quick to see the
beauty in others, yet so reluctant to admit it in yourselves?
 |
| All Sizes Are Beautiful, If You Can See That Beauty |
The next time a friend shares
that she loves how you look in a particular photo, try to stop yourself from
immediately thinking she’s crazy because you had your eyes closed, or because
it’s not taken from the most flattering possible angle. Instead of looking for
double chins, try to see what she sees in the picture. Is it
the joy spreading across your face as you break into laughter? Is it the glow
of feeling loved by those around you? Is it the curl of your grin that
indicates you just told a hilarious story? Or maybe it’s the pride you’re
exuding upon accepting your college degree or while watching your child take
his first steps.
Ultimately, beauty is more than
perfectly straight teeth or cellulite-free skin. It’s the intangible light that
glints from women of every size and shape, every single day. Sometimes it
catches in pony-tailed hair as she does the dishes, and sometimes it’s reflected
in smoky, bedroom eyes. Where will someone see it today in you? And will you be
brave enough to recognize and embrace it? Believe in your beauty and the society will adore you.
Kindly Share With Others And Let Them Know Too
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